Why am I going on this trip? Did I just decide I wanted to go? Did God lead me here? To explain everything, I need to go back in time a bit. God has worked so much in my life, and this is just another story of how. About a year ago, I made the decision that I didn’t want to just be a “Christian” but instead, I wanted to be a follower of Christ. I decided to give up the things I was holding onto—things I was putting above God. I started fasting and praying constantly. For the first time in my life, I felt a sense of peace. It was as if the world around me remained dark and cold, yet God was like a campfire, bringing me light and warmth. I began to feel okay when I stumbled and made mistakes because I knew He would always be there to lift me back up. But what does this have to do with why I am going on this trip? Because it leads me to the next stage of my life. In early December of 2024, I found myself very anxious about what I was going to do with my life. I didn’t have any plans to go to college, nor did I have any ideas about what I wanted to do in the future. So, I decided to ask God what He wanted me to do. I secretly hoped He would write a message on a billboard, saying, “Toby Brown, I want you to do (Blank) for the rest of your life.” Obviously, that didn’t happen. However, I kept hearing one word: SPEAK. Even when I prayed about things unrelated to my future, I kept hearing, “SPEAK, SPEAK, SPEAK.” That’s all I could hear.
I prayed, seeking understanding of what that message meant. About a month later, after reflecting and praying on it quite a bit, I attended a conference hosted by my church. During the service, I experienced one of those moments where you zone out—when your mind drifts from the message, and you start thinking or praying about various things. During this time, I prayed again about the word I had received. I considered the possibility that it might mean I was being called to become a pastor. So, I decided to pray for a sign to confirm whether that was indeed the case. After finishing that prayer, I refocused on the service. To my surprise, the speaker had begun reading from the Bible, specifically the passage where God instructs Jeremiah to go and proclaim the good word. Looking back, I now see that as a clear sign, but at the time, I brushed it off as mere coincidence. So, I continued to pray for a definitive sign that He was calling me to be a pastor.
Then, I decided to pray, “God, if you want me to be a pastor, have someone close to me tell me that I should consider it.” Exactly a week and a half later, I was on a relatively silent car ride with my mom. Out of the blue, she asked me, “Hey, have you considered being a pastor?” I was shook; I don’t even think I responded. I sat there in disbelief. ME? I thought Why ME? How am I the right person for this? It took me some thoughtful conversations with friends and a good amount of time to accept this calling.
Eventually, I reached a point where I was ready to discover what was next and what God wanted me to do, so I prayed all the time. About three weeks later, my younger brother had a basketball tournament in Missouri. I really didn’t want to go. I even talked to my parents about staying home. But before making a final decision, I prayed about it. In my prayer, I heard, “Trust Me.” So, I did—I packed my bags and went with them on this trip. Although I ended up enjoying the trip, that’s not the reason I’m sharing this story. While on the trip, I met a girl named Adeline, who is my brother’s teammate’s sister. She told me about another trip she would be going on, and from that point forward, I kept hearing a new recurring word every time I prayed: GO. This time, it was even stronger. GO, GO, GO, over and over again. Of course, I questioned it, but after discussing it with my parents, we concluded that this was what God wanted me to do. And here we are now. God has given me a glimpse of what the future might hold, and He has shown me the next step. I don’t know how He plans to use this experience for the future, but it’s not my job to know. My job is to trust Him, and that’s what I intend to do.
God I pray that you will guide my feet so that I may walk upon your path, I pray that you will use my hands for the work that you need done, and I pray that you will take my tongue and make me say the things you need said. In Jesus’ name amen.
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